Saturday, August 05, 2006
As time comes closer to my reception to the novitiate, I try to simplify my life. I have been cleaning / de-cluttering my room. That means mainly books, but also some art work and clothes. I looked at my collection of dictionaries and I did not have the heart to give them away. I need those for translation purposes and because I would feel so lost without one. Where would I look for the exact word to describe what my heart feels? No, I need them.
I am also keeping my classics (mainly I mean Pablo Neruda, Isabel Allende, Gabriel García Márquez and others) I have learned I don’t need much. My life makes more sense without all those things. I got rid of all my dancing stuff, flamenco shoes, pointe shoes, etc. I’m still discerning about my violin….I can’t play it, I don’t know how….and mmm, lessons don’t look like a possibility. I’m keeping my doll (I got it when I turned seven and it was from my grandma…I learned years later that she had saved to buy me that doll….It is one of my greatest treasures.) I also treasure my dictionaries, a little bracelet made with charms and beads from my grandmother’s jewelry….a nun doll my mother gave me…my journals, my poetry, my guitar, a box with letters, a manila folder where my dad wrote a poem to my mom, a few pictures, a few words
I wish I could just go inside my heart and get rid of what I don’t need. It is not easy, but I try. Right now, as I listen to poetry, I feel grateful because it feels like a soothing balm…It feels like soft rain.
Dear God, help me to see clearly…