Monday, September 25, 2006

Sobre los sueños

Hace poco pensaba en lo que tú y yo platicamos acerca de aferrarse a los sueños. Tú sigues aferrada al tuyo, con tu departamento, tu trabajo, tu independencia en la capital y hasta con tu éxito en la universidad. Yo soñaba, tú lo sabes, con tener un departamento lleno de miles de libros y diccionarios y gatos. Soñaba con ser profesora en la universidad. Quería impartir literatura, sobre todo literatura femenina, Sor Juana, Santa Teresa de Jesús, Ibarbourou, Storni, etc…Y quizás Neruda, Lorca, Alberti, yo que sé.
Pero ¿sabes? ahora que estoy aquí, en mi habitación diminuta (que vislumbra el peral cargado de fruta), con el alma suspendida entre lo que sé que deseo y lo que deseo y no sé, me siento un tanto abrumada, quizás sólo desconcertada, no lo sé. A veces pienso que la vida que ya es bastante difícil, la complicamos al querer entenderla. Es tan difícil, Guaguis, ¿te acuerdas de Cama y Mesa? Entonces todo era más fácil. Todo era montarnos en el jeep y largarnos a la playa sin preocuparnos de nada. ¿Recuerdas aquello del A.D.O? ¡Qué aventura en la Isla!
Pero sé que hemos crecido y nuestros caminos se han tornado tan diferentes. Cómo quisiera poder compartir contigo este camino que recién he empezado a caminar porque tú me entiendes aunque no lo entiendas. Aunque nuestra filosofía haya cambiado, aunque ahora vivamos tan lejos…siempre estaremos tan unidas como cuando cogimos tortícolis por los murales del cielo de nuestras habitaciones.
Ahora me doy cuenta que la literatura sigue viva en mí, aunque no la imparta porque la traigo implícita, recorriendo mis venas. Y con respecto a mis sueños, bueno, hay que considerar que Don Quijote, el loco-cuerdo que al principio siente un amor ridículo por Dulcinea da paso a que ese amor se convierta en un amor puro y espiritual…o Sancho que comienza como un campesino bobo y luego se convierte en un bobo-sabio, y al final de rigor, ¿quién sabe si es quizás el cariño entre ambos lo que los transforma? El caso es que la locura de Don Quijote llega a cobrar matices religiosos y quizás hasta mesiánicos...¿Por qué vemos la bondad como locura, el ímpetu de una juventud olvidada que resurge en Don Quijote, liberar al oprimido, paz, justicia, amor? ¿Quizás la locura es en realidad cordura y simplemente no sabemos distinguir?
Mi sueño sigue vivo, Guaguis, pero va tomando otros caminos, como el sueño de Don Quijote. Y lo que quizás parezca locura a otros, sé que lo entiendes. Necesito que lo entiendas porque aquí, Guaguis, aquí todas duermen.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Pear Harvesting 2006

Our objective...

They're way too high!

God provides!

This is how you do it...

Learn the vietnamese way!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Pear Harvesting 2006

Watch me! Are you watching me?

Let me try...I'll put the Mexican touch to this...

Watch and learn, this is how we did it in Ireland...

This is how to do it!

The fruit of our labor

Look! We did it!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

24th Sunday in Ordinary time

Jesus asked his disciples, “Who do people say that I am?” They said in reply, “John the Baptist, others Elijah, still others one of the prophets.” And he asked them, “But who do you say that I am?”

I write this in the middle of a diluted reality I’m trying to elucidate. She asked me, “How is your life going to change now?” And I knew right away that she was not asking about the externals, ministry, residence, name or title, etc. I knew it was a profound question, rooted in the spirituality of the congregation, but I didn’t know how to answer. Peter had no problem answering “You are the Christ!”
But I am weak and selfish. I am afraid I will not be able to respond like Peter. This fear comes from deep within, lives right next to the question I can not answer yet. I know where I want my life to go, I want to be a saint! But not a pale, long-haired hometown saint. I want to be a bone and skin saint, like those nobody recognizes when they see them. Like Doña Laura back in México who became my grandmother when I lost mine and the pain had made me a sad eyed little girl. She recognized my need, she sat me in her lap, made fideos for lunch, French braided my hair like Mamá Ofelia used to, became my partner in crime, spanked me when I was being a brat and most of all loved me like only grandmothers can. Mom and I will be forever grateful.
Doña Laura is now in her eighties but still has much love to distribute among the little ones of the Kingdom. She always a prayer on her lips, a hand ready to help, and a kitchen full of dirty dishes and a warm stove. She still walks to people’s homes to take food to the lonely, the sick, and the heartbroken. She feeds the whole neighborhood. I want to be a saint like that. That is how I want my life to change. But I know of the littleness of my heart, the many limitations that keep me from being an everyday saint.

My foolish heart! It has so many walls, so many fears. I used to be able to make friends right away. She came and she was immediately everyone’s friend and that makes me wonder where my heart stands. Sometimes I get this feeling of inadequacy, like everybody moves so much faster and I’m always trying to catch up. I used to wonder, “How can people live without literature, without philosophy?” But then I think that maybe those people have it inside of them, that they live it out. And that those people like myself, with pen and paper and music and brains infested with poetry are maybe a total waste of talent

I want to proclaim like Peter, “You are the Christ!” But I have so many limitations. I need music, literature, dictionaries and people to read poetry to. And as these things/people start becoming scarce and I only have a blank paper in front of me and a single, simple pen, I write to tell you that I am afraid of the page remaining blank because I didn’t have the courage to write a new life for myself.

May God give me the strength and the courage to answer your question and to proclaim like Peter, “You are the Christ!”

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Pictures from the novitiate

Greetings from the cream of the crop of the Community. One of our greatest treasures and a great canasta player!

Henceforth now you will be known as Sr. Mary Helga...

I received the veil!!!

I want to be accepted as a novice of the Incarnate Word and Blessed Sacrament.

Entrance to chapel, September 12, 2006, Memorial of the Most Holy Nae of Mary. To my left is Superior General, Sr. Maria Irma Gonzalez. To my right is my novitiate director, Sr. Maria Elizabeth Brehony.