Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds… Deuteronomy 11:18
It’s almost a month since my First Profession of Vows. It’s been tough finding the balance between work and prayer, not because of the time issue but because it’s been a difficult transition. School started right away, I only had one day to prepare, well not really because on Sunday I still had family and friends here. So, Monday came and I found myself in a classroom full of three, four and five year olds, a couple of criers and a screaming little darling.
I told the aide, I’m coming right back. I went home (right next to the school) and got my guitar. Back in the classroom I sang to them and they sang with me. It calmed them down. Every kid, and I mean, EVERY kid likes twinkle, twinkle little star. Thank you Lord, for music!
The following days were better, but I went right into work, not having time to write thank you notes, to figure out where I was and what I was doing. It’s all been happening too fast…whatever is happening.
Just this past week, I began to calm down, to figure out where I am and to breathe in between. I have been missing the time I had in the novitiate for prayer and more prayer. But I have been praying, very early in the morning and when I come back from school, then late at night. I mostly pray that God will speed up the “settling” process.
I have been trying to reflect on what it means to be a consecrated woman. When I first became a novice my Spiritual Director asked me: “How is your life going to change now?” and now, as a temporary professed, “How is my life going to change?”
I have been thinking, reflecting on the mission of our congregation which is “to adore and to proclaim the Incarnate Word.”Our spirit calls us in a special way to represent the Incarnate Word before the world as perfectly as possible. How am I growing there? How am I deepening my commitment? How does that translate into my life? What I do, say, think, feel?
And then this morning I read this phrase from Thomas Merton:
“Contemplation is the response to a call: a call from Him who has no voice, and yet Who speaks in everything that is, and Who, most of all, speaks in the depths of our own being: for we ourselves are words of His. But we are words that are meant to respond to Him, to answer to Him, to echo Him, and even in some way to contain Him and signify Him."
We ourselves are words of his. That is very profound.
In today’s reading, God warns Ezekiel against not speaking up, not being a word of God. The Gospel talks about the same thing, speak up, be a word of reconciliation, a word of God. The problem is that it is hard to be the person who points the finger. No one likes tattlers! It is so much easier to be a consoler, to be a word of love. And yet, we can not fashion a God according to our needs. God just is!
Thomas Merton says:
We ourselves become His echo and His answer. It is as if in creating us God asked a question, and in awakening us to contemplation He answered the question so that the contemplative is at the same time question and answer.
This life isn’t always easy. But I feel that in the midst of the unsettledness God is calling me to grow, to stretch some more. Please continue to pray for me, that God will give me the grace to be a true “extension of the Incarnation.”